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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28541829">why's every song about love (or drinking too much)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheQuietWings/pseuds/TheQuietWings'>TheQuietWings</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blanket Permission, Castiel &amp; Sam Winchester Friendship, Castiel Needs a Hug (Supernatural), Drinking &amp; Talking, Gen, M/M, One Shot, Sad, Sam Winchester Needs a Hug, Season/Series 05, Unrequited Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:55:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>876</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28541829</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheQuietWings/pseuds/TheQuietWings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>set in a vague s5-ish era.</p>
<p>Sam and Cas talk about the whole 'unrequited love' thing.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel &amp; Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>why's every song about love (or drinking too much)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>god i just wanted them to have one conversation about this, the friendship between cas and sam is so important to me.</p>
<p>title is from Everybody's Lonely by Jukebox the Ghost, which is a big destiel bop.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He doesn’t question why Cas comes to him instead of trailing three feet behind his brother like usual. It’s not like he has anywhere else to go. It’s not like he has anyone else, now. Because of them. Sam can add that to the overflowing sack of shit he’ll feel guilty about for the rest of his life. Still, when Cas asks for a drink, he obliges. It won’t do much for an angel (or maybe it will. Cas keeps landing down in the mud with them and every week, it seems harder for his wings to lift him back out.) but he thinks that the ritual of it might be more important than the effects. Cas takes the sanctity of human rituals very seriously, no matter how mundane.</p>
<p>Sam’s got to know, though. What’s another dead cat to his curiosity, right?</p>
<p>“It’s Dean, right?” Castiel goes very still, dangerously still. His eyes lock on Sam, and there’s almost none of the wavering haze of alcohol in them. Castiel has to be more than half a dozen inches shorter than him, but in that moment, sitting across from him, Sam feels somehow dwarfed.</p>
<p>“How?” He says, and there’s thunder in that voice, and oh god, oh fuck, angel, he forgot that Cas was a fucking angel and that he should <em> not be poking his emotions with a stick </em>.</p>
<p>“It’s- Cas-” He stammers. He doesn’t know Castiel, he can’t trust him as much as he wants to. Castiel gave his life (for Dean) and he rebelled (for Dean) and he’ll help stop the Apocalypse (for Dean). But he’s still an unknown in so many ways.</p>
<p>It surprises him then, when Cas slumps over the table slightly, picks up his glass again, and downs it in one swallow. Gone is the presence that made him feel like a mouse in a hawk’s gaze, and it’s... It’s Cas. Little lost angel in a trenchcoat who threw away everything, who asks him to explain metaphors and references because he knows Dean can’t slow himself down enough to do it, who he texts for info about hunts as an excuse to make sure he’s okay.</p>
<p>“It is obvious, isn’t it?” He says glumly. Sam looks down, nods. Slowly, he reaches across the table. His hand lands a little awkwardly on Cas’s shoulder, and he jolts in slow motion, blinking and looking down at the contact. Sam pats him twice before retreating, feeling a burning flush of embarrassment spread over his cheeks. He’s... not good at comfort. Hell, he’s not even sure if Cas really wants a shoulder to cry on or if that would be an insult somehow.</p>
<p>“To just about everyone who sees you two, yeah.”</p>
<p>“But not to Dean.” The one person who would really matter. Sam sighs, holds out his hand for the glass. Cas passes it over reticently.</p>
<p>“Not to Dean.” He echoes.</p>
<p>“He’s impossible.”</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>“I love him.” Sam puts the glass down. Cas does not say things lightly, and he wishes he had anything to offer but an empty reassurance.</p>
<p>“I know, Cas.”</p>
<p>“It hurts.” Cas folds his hands under his chin like he could be praying. Sam wants someone to answer him. A miracle before Cas puts all of the faith he has left into the Winchesters and gets himself torn apart for it. “I don’t understand why it hurts, Sam. Love should not hurt.” There’s a rise of static on Sam’s skin to echo Cas’s agitation, making his hair stand on end.</p>
<p>“You’ve got to tell him,” Sam says. “We’re going to pull this off or we’re going to die trying or worse, but either way, you’ve got to say something, Cas, cause he won’t see it.” It’s too late, he thinks when Cas looks at him like he’s the one holding the knowledge of whole galaxies in him. When Cas looks at him like his words are something worth believing in. But Sam’s human and so is Dean, and just because they’ve learned the language of martyrdom doesn’t mean they’re fluent. “You could die for the sake of loving him, and he wouldn’t see it.” Cas’s expression closes off a little when he understands. What a family they’ve built here at the end of the world, with a tomb to hold them out of every word left unspoken.</p>
<p>And maybe Sam can’t fix everything with Dean. He fucked up good and twisted the knife on his way out and maybe there’s no way back from that, but Cas deserves better. If Sam can help him, he will, even if he’s got no idea how.</p>
<p>“You know him,” Sam opens his mouth to argue. He doesn’t. <em> He doesn’t </em> because if he did they wouldn’t be in this mess, but Castiel won’t have it. “You do, despite your failings. You are still his brother. What would he say, Sam, if he knew the magnitude of my devotion?”</p>
<p>Sam swallows.</p>
<p>“He’d be scared.” His answer reaches out with the weight of all he cannot explain. It takes hold of Cas without mercy, and his hands drop from their mock prayer.</p>
<p>“So am I.” And Sam can do nothing but pass him another glass, so that he knows that, at least, he is not alone.</p>
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